Action Man – The Legend

He’s the one! There’s no other legend in my games like Action man!

He has been involved in everything and he’s still going! However, Action man of today is actually NOT my original Action Man. That’s because there was Action Man 1983 and Action Man 1988.

Action Man was introduced to me by my friend Thimos. He had the Scuba Diver in that fantastic rubber orange suit. I was mesmerized! He had all these gadgets, real hair and these paranoid eyes that moved side to side via a switch at the back of his head (redundant information for Action Man fans). I pleaded with my mother for an Action Man of my own but it was not to be (see Big Jim).

February 1983. My birthday and I finally received my Action Man! He was a Mountain climber with a glorious orange vest that was 70s all night long!

Action Man 1983 was involved in the costume crime around this period. Most notably he became “Machine Man“. This comprised of the Empire Strikes Back Mini Rig Captivator that I had. Turning it upside down, it turned into a ingenious helmet and battle gear.

Crude recreation of what Machine Man looked like in 1983

At one point, I put dots on his face with a permanent marker to resemble stubble and also drew on a hairy chest. Henceforth, Action Man was known as George “The Gay” Action Man. This was the name I introduced him as to my friends at school when we all brought our Action Men to play Vietnam. They were all bewildered by the name and found it fascinating that my Action man could be “Gay in the ‘Nam”.

Things become sketchy when it comes to Action Man 1983’s demise. At some point, his rubber snapped and he all came to pieces! Circumstances of the snap are now unknown but his parts lived on for a few years, piece by piece disappearing until there was only his head left, which gave speeches to the figures. Soon the head was gone too.

Action Man 1988 as he was brand new

That brings us to 1988. A NEW ACTION MAN. An Arctic Skier in flashy white gear with fantastic accessories. He was blond too! Quite the change from my previous one George, who was dark and brooding.

The new Action Man jumped into costumed crime in late 1988 early 1989. He became an assortment of characters including The Preying-mantis and Kung Fu Master. His lovely blond hair however, was short lived when he became The Joker in 1989 and I colored in his hair with a green marker causing irreparable damage to the hair. This was also when he lost his original skin to the white Joker face paint. I could never remove it after so he begun a life of cosmetic surgery.

As I got my first Video Camera in 1990, Action Man begun quite a documented career as illustrated by the following video and photos.

Action Man merchandise deal goes wrong!

Action man gave many interviews over the years. These may be released over time with viewer discretion advised. Though amusing in his demeanour, he was quite brash, arrogant, bad mouthed and a self confessed bi sexual fiend of intercourse. Conservative audiences were taken back by such audacity and descriptive venom!

For some years, Action man was living with only one arm. There was no suitable donors available and he got desperate! Reluctantly, he accepted a transplant from the creature known as Jar Jar. It was risky! This was another species and there could be rejection. The operation was a success and although the skin tones, hand and reactions times are abnormal for the human species, Action man has learned to live with it.

The transplant of the creatures hand

As always however, right to the finish.. it was world domination that was his objective and though dormant, he will rise again!